Dr. Jennifer Bateman, Senior Vice President, Youth Development, Boys & Girls Clubs of America, shares her toolbox for helping kids navigate new experiences.
As a parent, the moments that stay with me most are a child’s “firsts” — their first day of school, first sleepover, first team, even walking into a new classroom.
As a youth development leader, I know these moments shape how kids see themselves and what they believe they can do.
One common misconception is that confidence comes first. But confidence is built through experience. When kids feel supported or overcome something hard and think: “I did it,” those moments – even the small ones – create a cycle that builds confidence, competence and resilience over time.
At Boys & Girls Clubs of America, we see how caring adults, encouragement, preparation, and safe environments help kids navigate transitions feeling secure, capable and connected. And when parents offer small moments of support around big “firsts,” it makes a lasting difference.
Here are a few ways parents can support their child’s big “firsts”:
Set Expectations
Predictability can calm anxiety, which is normal for a child’s first experiences. To help a child feel more prepared, share information ahead of time, such as:
Showing a picture of dad without a beard before he shaves it off.
Sharing fun facts or pictures of the new city that your family is moving to.
Bring your child to an open house at their new school, so they can visit their classroom, meet their teacher, and even make a friend to connect with on the first day of school.
Doing a “practice run” can also help a new experience feel more familiar. Practice with your child getting ready for school, attending an appointment or introducing themselves to someone new to build comfort and confidence.
Check in Emotionally
Build simple routines for kids to name and talk about their feelings. Emotional check-ins are a great tool for letting kids pause and name any emotions tied to a first experience. Some questions to get your kid thinking are:
Highs & Lows: Ask your child to think of their “high and low” of the day — this is the best thing that they experienced during the day and the worst thing that they experienced during the day. Give them a chance to think, then share. They can choose to explain and elaborate on their feelings, or not.
Feelings 1-10: Ask kids, “Rank your mood today on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the worst mood and 10 being the best.” They can choose to explain and elaborate on their ranking, or not.
Explore ideas for emotional check-ins from Boys & Girls Clubs of America.
Focus on the Positives
First experiences can be nerve-wracking, even for adults. To combat nerves, help your child focus on the positives of a new experience. Encourage gratitude and reflection through journaling, art or an emotional check-in
Build a Coping Toolbox
When encountering a big “first,” children might experience strong emotions. Teach them simple tools like breathing exercises, drawing, or butterfly hugs (crossing arms over chest and alternating tapping each shoulder) to help them. Practice these tools at home, so they feel ready to use them anytime, anywhere.
Celebrate Effort
Celebrate your child’s effort as they go through big “firsts.” If they say they had a hard time, thank them for sharing and validate their experience. If they used a tool in their coping toolbox, let them know how proud you are. Recognition will build your child’s pride and resilience.
Every child will face change. How they experience those early “firsts” will shape how they approach challenges for years to come. With the right support, they can gain skills that last a lifetime.
About Carter’s and Boys & Girls Clubs of America’s Partnership: Since 2024, Carter’s and Boys & Girls Clubs of America have teamed up to combat youth learning loss and enhance community impact. Continuing the partnership with race cardriver and BGCA Alumni Hall of Fame Inductee Bubba Wallace, Carter’s and Boys & Girls Clubs of America are building a “modern village” for parents—an ecosystem of support to help families feel more confident and less overwhelmed from day one. Over the next three years, Carter’s is helping Boys & Girls Clubs of America advance early childhood education resources, elementary-age literacy support and setting a goal of 50,000 volunteer hours to empower employees to get involved in their local communities. Learn more about the partnership here.